The Thousand Yard Stare…
I saw a couple of clips of the new HBO series, “The Pacific”. It looks incredible. It’s based on a number of books about the war in the Pacific, with the emphasis on the brutality of the fighting.
There’s a phrase that came out of that theatre of the war, when a soldier was burned out from the horrors of what they’d seen.
They called it ‘the thousand yard stare.’
Like they were looking at something no one could see, something in the distance.
Lost in their own heads.
I feel like I saw a much milder version of that look at the “Now What?” workshop that Dr. Jain, Patrick and I did in February. At the end of three hours a lot of people came up to talk to us. And several of them admitted to me, with a slightly stunned look, that they had gotten the diagnosis in the past few months. Or few weeks.
One guy in his forties mumbled, “I found out Monday.”
And the workshop was on Saturday.
These ‘newbies’ had been reading non-stop. Or up all night on this website. Or a dozen websites. Confused. Relieved. Scared.
Some had driven four or five hours to be at the workshop. On the ‘Comment Cards’ one wrote that he found the workshop so powerful he spent the whole 3 hours trying not to cry. A woman wrote that we had just saved her marriage.
And I was just hoping we’d give people something to laugh about and lots to think about.
Now a lot of adults talk about how big a difference it made to simply get the diagnosis. “What relief. Okay, now I know! Stuff makes sense!”
But that relief can quickly turn to queasiness when you read various websites that claim it’s just too much Zinc Peroxide in your diet or not enough Vitamin L.
Or it’s all invented by paper companies to sell more Daily Planners.
Or that there is a new therapy that makes it go away in 3 Weeks.
The one thing I know about ADHD is that we are all different. Because of the number of genes involved there is almost nothing that works for everyone.
Except maybe exercise. That’s good for almost every health issue.
Anyway, I am still haunted by the faces of those ‘newbies’ who were still grappling with the diagnosis. It took me back to when I found out, in my 40′s.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
Anyway, we’re doing the Now What? workshop again on June 12th.
If you’re there, and recently diagnosed come up afterwards and say hi. I’ll understand that look in your eyes.
2 Responses to “The Thousand Yard Stare…”
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Glad you like the first Seminar!
And I love the joke.
We’re working on T shirts that say, “I have trouble completi…”
As for your question about how do you get people to take you seriously, say more about that?
Do you want people to accept that you have it? That it’s real?
If so, you’ll be disappointed.
At some point, and I’ve always struggled with this, you are going to have to stop caring so much about what other people think. I don’t mean you should be insensitive. Or self absorbed. (God, that’s the last thing we need. More thinking about things in our heads!)
But you are going to have to be less concerned about the good and wise counsel of others.
They are going to think what they think.
They are going to believe what they believe.
If you have very strong religious feelings, do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to convince others to join your religion? Or even just to convince them that it’s a good religion? or even just hat you really, really, really like and believe and get value from your religion?
You have to move forward irregardless.
Maybe that’s a better word. Irregardless.
You’d like people to understand, appreciate it, understand where you are at and what you’re struggling with. But heck, they’ve got a boatload of crap to deal with in their own life, right? But you don’t want to delay dealing with your issues while you wait for everyone to join your team, get on your side and offer you their hearty support.
It’d be nice.
And they might.
But if you just take on what you need to take on, start moving forward through the emotional stuff, while putting strategies in place, and getting medication if you choose to go that route, others will either line up or not.
What has surprised me is how many people who were openly unsupportive, skeptical or simply uninterested have since quietly turned around their attitude.
It’s not the same thing, but if you think about Martin Luther King Jr., he just decided that people were going to be equal and free, irregardless of skin colour. And he moved forward with his agenda. Irregardless of what people at the time thought.
Take care of you.
Get support from people who will offer it. (That’s part of why we’ve built this website.)
And as you succeed, as you transform, as you develop your power… trust me, people will take you seriously.
I found this little joke that explains how I have felt for a long time.
Can you repeat the part after “Listen very carefully”?
I really enjoyed the first seminar and am looking forward to the next. I am still finding it hard to reach out and get an official diagnosis, after many years of trial and error I feel a bit like a pest. I think that is why it brings out so much emotion. Great, now I can relate to someone, but how do I get people to take me seriously?