Structures & Strategies
Long term strategies and lifestyle changes. Start dreaming of the future you want, and begin working towards it.
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January 29, 2010
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When I have had a busy day, it is easy to come in and “manager” my home, husband, and children. I have to exhale and “turn back into me” before I go in, or i just end up miserable and mean.
But when I transform back into regular, fun me, and walk in with a smile, I always get a nice greeting. If they are all upstairs, and they do not hear me come in, I call up and say “hey! I am home! where are my hugs and kisses?”
then all i hear is ” Mommy! mommy! mommy is home!”
Often, I have to choose to ignore the state the carpet is in and just walk past a few messes, but I have this rule, that I wait about 10 minutes before assigning tasks to people when I come home–unless it is “please help me bring the groceries from the car (that one cannot wait).
To really get some “me” time, I find that I have to schedule it. Write it on the calendar, decided what I want to do, and have a few back-up plans, just in case. Even if it is just going to the craft store and picking out a fluffy friend (yarn) to play with.
I think being an ADHD mom is particularly hard because we are pulled in so many directions and often spread too thin. But really, can we take care of our families when we do not take care of ourselves enough to function properly?
I get the oil changed in my car more often than I do something just because I want to. But I expect me to function all the time just like i expect my car to. It is hard to balance our lives. We really have to take baby steps and just do one thing at a time and be patient with ourselves and forgive ourselves and accept that we need time to change. We have to use our powers for good instead of evil.
Elizabeth
i struggled with this for so long elizabeth. and my therapist help me understand that being a mom, you will (a good majority of the time) feel as though you are being pulled in many different directions. the key is to maintain some sort of schedule and “normal” routine that everyone can get accustomed to.
when i leave the door at work… i put on my mommy cap. i know that i have to drive to go get my kids and be responsible in my driving. and right before i arrive at my son’s daycare i sometimes listen to a song that i can sing away any frustrations or i literally scream the ickies away. the kids don’t see it and i feel so much better. i’m an extrovert, so i feed off everyone’s energy around me, and i feed off peoples’ energies during stress as well. with that i know that i must make sure to establish a calm, happy tone with my attitude for the kids. that way they are happy and so am i. we get home, do snacks and dinner, bathtime, bedtime routine, put them to bed, do my chores and then i can have my “me” time.
my therapist said that feeling overwhelmed by these mundane items is normal (for everyone, not just overwhelming as an add/adhd person). she also told me that folks with add/adhd need a lot of positive feedback and rewards. so for me my rewards are my sewing group and having happy hour fridays once a month with my girlie friends.
making those times for yourself (by getting sitters for the kids) is vital and very important for everyone who is a parent.
when i have felt exhausted i stop and ask myself where my mind is at that i feel so tired. is it physiological (like if i’m PMSing), or mental? am i getting enough sleep? was work too much today? at times the reason that i’m exhausted is b/c i think of the day to day that never ends. it doesn’t and the thought of that is exhausting. i like things to end. so i can feel accomplished like i completed something (which rarely happens, hahahahaha). but when something just keeps going and going and going, it’s hard to stay focused on the prize and i get overwhelmed and exhausted.
so now… my prize is my “me” time. and i know that if i just get through the week with my house being clean and in order… my kids put to bed at a reasonable time, dinner on the table (instead of eating out)… i’ve deserve my happy hour and/or my sewing dates.
keeping focused and positive is hard, but you can do it!!
man this is long… hahahaha. one more thing that may help you…
find out whether you’re an . The way you handle stress is different and may help you to cope with how to handle the “me” door question.
my hubby the introvert needs 10 to 15 minutes to himself to unwind from work, before he can hit dinner and bedtime routines with the kids. so he sets the kids up with some snacks, goes and chills for a bit, then conquers. if you are like this, then perhaps setting the expectation for your family, significant other,…etc, that you need this time to not be bothered and unwind everyday will help you and them in the long run. harmony is gold… but in order to obtain it you must set those expectations for yourself and others around you.
~v
Dr J. I love the door analogy; however, i find that I’m on all day at work. I deal with clients, and really have to be able to mirrow image them…I love that.However, how do you come home and shift when all day you have been on and supporting everyone else. I understand the analogy but I’m exhausted and now I walk through my home door which I’m always wanting to and then I have to be a mom, wife, lover, friend, pet owner..where’s my door for me. Where’s the ME door?